How to: Get Through a Breakup

Breaking up with someone can feel like the absolute best or absolute worst; there isn’t usually much in-between. I’ve had my share of heartbreak, and I’ve done some heartbreaking as well, but I’ve never just been 100% fine immediately after.

When you’re “with” someone, whether you’re talking or dating or in a relationship or engaged or married, there is emotion involved, and where there is emotion there is the opportunity to get hurt. This is called vulnerability, and it is terrifying. So scary, in fact, that many people refuse to let themselves become vulnerable, putting up emotional walls and keeping their distance. But when you commit to someone, even in a small way, you are giving in to this vulnerability.

So, when a relationship of any kind comes to an end, it only makes sense that someone is going to feel hurt. Even when the breakup is mutual. If both parties care about one another, it’ll hurt that much more. What’s important to remember, however, is the following:

You deserve the best and nothing less. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. You are a person, deserving of love. You deserve to be cared for, doted on, and adored. You deserve to be treated with respect and with kindness, spoken to thoughtfully and honestly, and you deserve to be trusted.

Without these things, you do not have a mutually beneficial relationship. If you are being deprived of love, affection, respect, honesty, etc., your relationship is likely toxic, and getting out is your best option. I’m speaking from experience. It’s going to be hard; there will likely be tears, ripping of photos, burning of clothes, long talks with friends, and awkward moments with family. But it is also important to know that you are never alone. There is always someone you can talk to, and somewhere you can escape to – even if it’s just a book or a tv show.

It is especially prudent to keep busy and productive. Reach out to friends and family, take on a new project, set a new goal; whatever you believe will help you move on. But don’t ever turn to numbing the hurt. When the numbing wears off, the pain hurts twice as much. It is crucial to take some time to grieve, but then work through it. Do not do anything for revenge, whether it’s losing weight or getting plastic surgery. Work through it for you. Better yourself for your own sake, because you must love and accept yourself before you can let your guard down for the next person.

In addition, don’t minimize the impact this relationship had on your life; just because it didn’t work out in the end does not mean it was a complete waste of time. On the other hand, don’t think that the fact that you invested time in the relationship means it deserves a second chance.

Ultimately, the decisions are in your hands. Stay, leave, be friends, block them.. It’s none of my business. But, as someone who has an unfortunate amount of experience with bad breakups, I’d suggest you heed my advice. Love yourself. Live your life they way you want and find someone whose aspirations and interests align with yours.

You deserve it.

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